Sarcastically Said
by Ramenism
Summary: Oneshots. This is the real life, everyday problems of our heroes. Read and enjoy!
1. Barbie

Sarcastically Said

"Barbie"

Riku woke up at about two in the morning, very groggy and very hungry.

He could barely remember walking into the kitchen and fixing himself a bowl of 'Fairytopia' cereal.

Despite the fact that he was seventeen years old and eating Barbie cereal, it was some awesome stuff.

Four bowls later, Riku sat in front of the TV, mindlessly flipping through the channels.

His finger happened to stop on a Barbie commercial. It featured Barbie, and a little gold dog.

As Riku watched more, he found out you could feed the dog plastic brown dog food.

As much as he hated to admit it, it was sorta, kinda…cute.

And then he saw it.

He shouldn't be so surprised.

If you eat something, where does it come out of?

…

But still…little girls shouldn't see dogs spewing out sprinkle-like brown things from their rear end.

Riku watched as they showed Barbie pick up the digested food with a little pink stick.

Riku stared at the TV with disgust.

Then the commercial started singing happily again.

He buried his head in his hands.

Leave it to Barbie to make picking up poop desirable to young girls.

--The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

:::I hope you enjoyed this:::

This was inspired by Kingdom Hearts and Barbie.

Both of which I don't own.


	2. Vending Machine

Sarcastically Said

"Vending Machine"

The Hotel manager looked nervously around the corner, trying to get a good look at the red head.

She turned around to her co-worker, Namine, and said, "He's just been standing there for thirty minutes?"

Namine nodded, "Isn't that sort of odd, Larxene?"

Larxene sighed, "Well, he hasn't tried any funny business, so let him be. But if he does do any fishy stuff, come get me!"

Namine smiled lightly and flounced back to her post behind the Check-In counter.

Larxene gave the red head at the vending machine a dirty look before heading off to deal with the over flowing toilet on the second floor with Marluxia.

Axel had his face and hands pressed against the thick plastic of the vending machine.

It was like a whole other world of sugary goodness.

And what's this?

A deck of cards!

Holy crap!

His boredom was quenched!

Axel shoved a dollar Twenty-five into the slot and pushed the buttons '44B'.

As he watched the cards slowly drop and he jumped around like a pyromaniac with a lighter.

Larxene had made her way back down and walked toward Namine.

Suddenly, Demyx jumped from out of a closet.

After a minute of silence, Demyx asked, "Eh, how was that?"

"I didn't even blink."

Demyx threw his hands dramatically, "Aw man!"

The two walked to the Check-In counter, greeting Namine.

The three were about to start talking about the toilet problem when that obnoxious red head skipped out the door, screaming something about cards and fire.

The three stood in a stunned silence.

Namine jumped when Demyx whirled around and ran after the weird man, "I'll have whatever your on, dude!"

Namine and Larxene heard a faint, "Sure!"

Namine watched the two in awe.

_What I would give to be tall._

Namine looked at Larxene, about to say something when she saw that Larxene looked completely livid.

"L-larxene?"

Said girl massaged her temples, "You know what Namine? I've seen Demyx scarf down three fudge cakes in one sitting and not a gain an ounce. I've been eating health shakes for all of my meals for the past two months and I've gained three pounds. And then this idiot red head walks in and looks like a size 00.

Larxene growled and threw a vase at the wall.

"It's not fair!"

Namine tried to make her stomach bulge.

"Listen, I'm going upstairs, and Marluxia and I are going to break all of the toilets."

With that, Larxene stomped away.

Namine, for the bazillionth time, stood in a stunned silence.

She heard the doorbell ring and looked at the entrance.

A tall blonde man walked up and smiled slightly at her.

"Uh, yes, I need a room for a week."

Namine and blushed, "Your name?"

"Roxas"

"Okay, any preferred rooms?"

"Um, how about the second floor?"

Namine was about to agree but then said, "How about the first floor? The toilets on the second and third floor will all be broken in a matter of minutes."

--The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

:::Hope you weren't bored:::

Inspired by Kingdom hearts and a hotel

Both of which I don't own.


	3. Blunt

Sarcastically Said

"Blunt"

Roxas knew for a fact that Fuu was very blunt.

The fact that she could condense a whole conversation into two words and get the point across just as well, was simply amazing.

Fuu was painfully honest, impatient, and to the point.

And to be honest, she really didn't care about much.

But the fact that you could tell she didn't care by just looking at her was really, really cool.

Roxas hated to admit that he was jealous.

One look at him and you thought 'angsty teenager'.

Not the best label to have.

_Anyway,_

The point: Fuu was blunt.

The other point: Roxas knew this.

But that warm day in September almost made him faint.

Hayner was having his usual bout with Seifer, and Roxas was just standing there.

Apparently, his barn door was open, if you get my drift.

Instead of Fuu telling him to 'zip it',

(Which would have worked; its only two words!)

She walked up to Roxas and zipped it for him.

To say that Roxas was shocked would be the understatement of the year.

And instead of Roxas taking it for what it was (it _was_ Fuu after all),

Roxas squeaked and covered his man bits.

Not the most masculine thing he could do.

His voice still high, asked Fuu, "Why didn't you just tell me?"

Two words.

"Time Consuming"

Roxas looked at her.

And then he squeaked again.

And then he realized that everybody was laughing at him.

Still clutching his bits, he blushed a mad red.

And then the most amazing thing happened.

Fuu spoke an actual sentence.

"Let me see your 'man' license."

That was a blow to his ego.

--The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

:::Hm, hoped it amused:::

Inspired by Kingdom Hearts and A real life experience.

I don't own Kingdom Hearts, but I do own the plot, because I have, in fact, zipped a boy's pants out of impatience.


	4. Home Again

Sarcastically Said

"Home Again"

Sora was ecstatic as he swam to the shore of the beach.

Kairi was waiting for him and Riku.

He had finally fulfilled his promised.

The three rejoiced happily, even more so when Goofy, Donald, and the King appeared.

Everything was going smoothly.

Riku was telling him about what happened to himself when Kairi interrupted,

"Your voice is deeper."

Sora smiled slightly, "Yep!"

"Are you going through puberty?"

Riku paled, "What?"

Sora didn't think it was a joke; Kairi's confused facial expression was too sincere.

"Uh, I guess…why?"

Kairi blinked a couple times.

"…did I just ask you if you were going through puberty?"

Goofy 'hyucked' and said goofily, "Gwarsh, you sure did!"

Kairi began to laugh loudly.

The others soon followed suit.

"Sorry." Kairi said sheepishly.

"Nah, its okay", Sora said happily, "Just the other day I asked Donald if he had to go pee."

Kairi and Sora laughed again.

Riku chuckled and asked, "Donald did Sora really do that?"

Donald made an indignant 'quack' and said, "You bet!"

Riku laughed.

Donald went along, quaking out profanities in duck language.

--The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

:::I never really was into potty humor, but oh well:::

Inspired by Kingdom Hearts and a true story

I don't own Kingdom Hearts, but sadly…I was the Kairi in this story.

And I was the Sora at the end.


	5. Sheer Stupidity

Sarcastically Said

"Sheer Stupidity"

Zexion and Xemnas, the zoo manager, were in the main lounge, quietly drinking tea, conversing about the latest fashions of long, black, hooded, coats/robes.

Xemnas had his cup half-way to his mouth when he heard loud footsteps.

He glanced at Zexion.

"Ughh, those morons." Zexion said; he could feel a headache forming.

A couple seconds later, Axel and Demyx burst through the door, yelling and chatting like the pathetic mumbling idiots that they were.

At least, in Zexion's perspective.

"What do you want?" Xemnas said, not looking at them.

Axel gave Demyx a sly look before nodding.

Demyx cleared his throat, and said in a dramatic voice, "What would happen if you broke the gate that held a bunch of angry lions?"

Zexion was about to give a smart comment, but Xemnas beat him to it.

"They'll run out, chase you, tear your limbs off, then your head, and then eat your insides."

Zexion glanced at Xemnas.

Somebody didn't get enough beauty sleep.

After a moment of silence, Axel quipped up an annoying, 'that won't happen' and the two artards frolicked away.

A couple minutes later, laughing could be heard.

And then even louder screams.

And then came the angry sounding 'rawrs'.

They sounded oddly like lions.

Hm.

Xemnas shook his head, "Sheer stupidity."

Zexion snorted in agreement.

…

"Hey look! You can buy our zippers in the color of a rainbow! Isn't that just darling?"

Zexion peered over to see what Superior was gawking at.

He raised an eyebrow, "Well, I'll be darned. That is pretty cute."

Larxene, who was making coffee at the other side of the room, over heard the men's conversation.

As she heard the comments about the cute zippers, she looked at them with disgust.

What kind of men work at a zoo, where they pick up animal crap all day, and have the nerve to admit that they like rainbows?

--The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

:::I just love the girly guys:::

Inspired by Kingdom Hearts and a true life traumatizing story

I don't own Kingdom Hearts, but dang, imagine Bulls charging at you. I almost peed my pants.


	6. The King and I

Sarcastically Said

"The Kind and I"

As much as Kairi loved having the boys back home, she felt as if she did not know them anymore.

Riku and Sora bonded on a level that only trauma could induce.

Not to mention now that they were back they were practically joined by the hip.

Like they could always read each others' thoughts!

Kairi sighed.

It must have been really hard for the two of them.

Still, it didn't mean they had to exclude her from the "Super Duper Friends Loop"!

Not that she was jealous or anything.

…the fact of the matter is that she really didn't have many friends.

She'd grown out of her hyper stage, so Selphie and she had a hard time relating.

Understanding Wakka took way to much energy.

Tidus was way too into himself.

She never really talked, and when she did, sometimes they came out as incomplete sentences.

Sort of like a poem.

So Kairi was left to drown into a pool of self pity

Yay.

But one day, King Mickey, Donald, and Goofy decided to come for a visit.

While Sora, Riku, and the three animals caught up, Kairi decided that maybe she should back off.

So Kairi did what any ignored girl did, she picked flowers.

After a while she heard her name being called.

She turned around, only to see the King himself.

"Hi, your highness!"

Mickey waved, "Aw shucks, you can call me Mickey!"

Kairi giggled, "Okay."

Mickey sat on the grass, playing with the grass.

Kairi looked over and said, "You want to pick flowers with me?"

"Sure!"

Kairi smiled brightly.

Forget the boys.

A friend has been found..

--The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

:::King Mickey is so cool:::

Inspired by Kingdom Hearts and Picking flowers

Both of which I don't own because everyone had picked a flower at least once.

I hope. :)


	7. Face Down

Sarcastically Said

Just a group of somewhat odd short one-shots. Humorous? Good question. Sad? I wouldn't really know.

"Face Down"

Sora enjoyed watching Leon and Yuffie spar with each other. Leon was very talented, and Yuffie always lightened the mood, and together they made wonderful entertainment on boring days.

But sometimes he though he could see different side of them. They happened so fast; just a flicker.

The times Leon would completely thrash Yuffie; ruthlessly, and unmerciful.

Sora couldn't help but feel a tad worried for the young ninja. He new perfectly well she could take care of herself, but when her small frame smacked the dirt he couldn't help but doubt.

He expressed his thoughts to Aerith, who shook her head sadly, "He has a lot of…suppressed…anger."

Loudly, Sora replied, "Suppressed anger my foot! Does it make him feel like man

when he pushes her around?"

Aerith looked at Sora, her eyes filled with sorrow, "I don't know."

Sora nodded. He could see what was going down.

The next day, sparing went well. Yuffie didn't end up crumpled on the floor, and Sora was relieved.

But the day after was totally different.

Sora watched as Yuffie's small body collided with the earth in a loud 'thud'. She rolled on her stomach, her body making sickening cracks as she did so.

And as he watched Leon smirk and say in that annoying mocking voice, 'Get up, don't be weak'; Sora snapped.

Sora jumped in front of the lump of broken girl, a disgusted look on his face.

"Do you feel better now, after watching her fall to the ground?" Sora yelled.

As vague as Sora's statement was, he could tell by Leon's ashamed eyes that he knew what Sora was talking about.

Leon stared at the ninja for a minute before dashing off.

Sora stuck his tongue out and turned around and asked Yuffie if she was okay.

Her face in the dirt, she replied, "This doesn't hurt."

--The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

::::I hope you liked it::::

Inspired by Kingdom Hearts and The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus's "Face Down".

Both of which I Don't own.


	8. Finger Painting

Sarcastically said

"Finger Painting"

Sora was surprised to see Goofy all alone, painting with his fingers.

He had never once seen goofy alone, and willing to be alone.

Sora walked up next to him and sat down, "So, whatcha doin' Goofy?"

Goofy 'hyucked' and said happily, "I'm just paintin' 'bout our adventures. You wanna paint too?"

"Yeah!" Sora said enthusiastically.

So the two buddies painted away the hours, chatting and smiling.

After a while, they decided to paint a big picture, including all of the people they met, both good and bad.

After a time, the two stopped painting and stood up to admire their work.

And even though the people were horribly drawn stick figures-

They were proud.

And even though Sora and Goofy couldn't color in the lines-

They were proud.

And the fact that you couldn't tell Luxord from Peter Pan had no meening.

They were proud, no matter how much Selphie complained about how her head wasn't _that_ big.

So, to say the least, Goofy and Sora were satisfied.

To say the _least._

--The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

:::I LOVE Goofy 3:::

Inspired by Kingdom Hearts and my brain

I don't own Kingdom Hearts, but last time I checked, my brain was mine.


	9. Just A Little Crazy

Sarcastically Said

"Just a Little Crazy"

Before King Mickey, Kairi had only attempted to make a new friend once.

And that 'once' had been a complete and total disaster.

Kairi had been taking a walk and she saw Roxas watching the sunset.

She thought this would be nice.

"May I join you?" She asked cautiously.

He stuffed his hand into his pockets and muttered, "Sure."

For a while, the two stood in a comfortable silence.

Until Kairi thought it would be a good idea to say something.

"You know," Kairi started, "I used to stand here all alone for hours, and pretend that he was here beside me."

Roxas looked at her, "Who?"

She smiled, "Sora."

"…"

Kairi giggled nervously, "I hope that doesn't make me seem a little crazy…."

Roxas looked at her and said, "Just a little? Jeeze, you're completely metal."

Kairi put her hands on her hips.

Roxas simply slouched even more, and as he walked away he said, "Amazing, I'm not supposed to exist and even I'm not that screwed up."

Kairi looked shocked.

After a while of thinking, she figured he was kinda right.

She did have a phobia against yellow, so….

Kairi through her hands into the air.

--The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

:::I must admit, Kairi gets a little on my nerves…:::

Inspired by Kingdom Hearts and an Idea

I do not own Kingdom Hearts, and do hope that I still own my idea.


	10. Brownies

Sarcastically said

"Brownies"

Axel and Xigbar were innocently talking about their plans to take over Kingdom Hearts when a strange man with blonde hair, a toothpick, and an odd apron on burst out that Merlin's house.

The two nobodies stopped talking and looked at him.

The gruff man looked around and saw them.

He pointed his finger at them and said loudly, "You two, your gonna help me make brownies."

He quickly came over and shoved them into to Merlin's house.

….to be continued.

--The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

::I'm making this one an ongoing thing…:::

I don't own Kingdom Hearts


	11. Graffiti

Sarcastically Said

"Graffiti"

Sora and Roxas laughed.

They had just spray painted the wall of building in big bold letters.

It was a drawing of Sora's name and Roxas' name with a crown between them.

It would have been beautiful if it hadn't been tainted with the fact that it was completely and incredulously _illegal. _

Then a gang saw what they were doing.

"Wow, that's pretty impressive." One said.

"Cool colors." Said another.

Sora and Roxas appreciated the compliments, considering the fact that they all knew it sucked.

Really, really bad.

And it wasn't until the leader spoke up that Sora and Roxas realized something important.

"Dang, that's pretty illegal, even for us."

Sora could've wept.

A _gang_ leader just told them that they were pretty illegal.

Sora liked Winnie the Pooh and believed Santa Clause.

Not what you would call 'gang material'.

Roxas, on the other hand, didn't really feel anything toward the comment.

But the fact that a gang lead was admitting that they were more illegal than them scared him a bit.

Just a bit.

So the two boys screamed and ran home.

--The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

MysteriousBlueCheese, Evil Genius of the COCA, Kiss of the Breeze, Darkecogir'n'co. -  
:::I'm glad you all liked it.:::

Darkecogir'n'co.-Yes, I have been chased by bulls. My cousins and I were stupid 7/8 year olds. (lol)

Kiss of the Breeze -Trust me, I'm really honest, and if you don't listen the first time, it just wastes time….I can't help it sometimes. (Bad excuse, I know)

There is such a thing as Barbie cereal. It's really, really, sweet. It has something to do with that weird Fairytopia movie or something like that.

I think it would have been funny if the game ended that way,

Seriously though, aren't Axel and Demyx skinny?

I do not own Kingdom Hearts, gangster, or graffiti


	12. Charm

Sarcastically Said

"Charm"

Kairi looked at Sora sadly, "I thought we had something."

The wheels in Sora's head were moving fast. He had no idea that Kairi was in love with him.

I mean, he knew he was dense and all….but sheesh.

"Are you going to answer me?" Kairi said quietly.

"Um, well, I, uh, just, uh never thought of you that way. You were my…sister."

Sora had no idea if Kairi was ever going to forgive him.

Suddenly she lashed out screaming, "Then what was with that stupid, horrible picture you drew of yourself handing me a paopu fruit?"

"I drew myself giving your charm back…"

Kairi growled, "What!"

Sora scratched his head, "Hey, it's not my fault you mistook it and drew _yourself_ giving me one."

Kairi looked appalled.

"You…you-you…..okay, explain this, I didn't give you that retarded charm until _after_ you saved me."

"Well," Sora started, "I thought it was obvious. I can see the future."

Kairi turned about as purple as a plum, took off her shoe, and hurled it him, screaming profanities.

After she was gone, Sora sighed.

He was never good at lying.

And the fact that he just blurted out the phoniest bologna on the planet didn't make him feel that good either.

"Oh well," Sora said, shrugging, "at least she's not all up in my grill anymore."

--The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

:::If you haven't noticed, Kairi isn't exactly on my good list sometimes:::

I don't Own Kingdom Hearts, even though it inspired me.


	13. Pokemon

Sarcastically Said

"Pokemon"

Olette was totally zoning in on her Pokemon Diamond game.

Her thumbs moving faster than light, she caught four new Pokemon in two minutes.

Awesome.

Olette decided that she had played enough today.

She switched her DS to off, and set the system down.

And then an odd thought came to mind.

What if the Pokemon games ran out of precious stone and appealing colors?

Olette tapped her chin.

What about….Pokemon Halite?

Pokemon Pumice, Pokemon Granite, Pokemon Sandstone, Pokemon Slate.

Olete giggled, how odd that would be!

And then the most perfect name for a Pokemon popped into her mind.

Pokemon Kryptonite.

Olette grinned and found a pen and paper.

_Dear Pokemon creators,_

_I have come up with the perfect name for the next game..._

The Queen of Ramen-

Ramenism

:::This has always plagued me:::

Come to think of it, I probably own nothing in these 152 words.


	14. Karma

"Sarcastically Said"

"Karma"

Axel folded his arms, staring intently at the man standing in front of him.

He had finally found the other half of him. To say that Axel was pleased would be the understatement of the year.

Axel arched an eyebrow, "So, you're Reno?"

The man, Reno, arched his eyebrow and replied, "Yeah, what's it to you?"

Smirking Axel unfolded his hands, "I'm Axel. I'm a Nobody to a Somebody, and you, my sly friend, are my somebody. Got it", he paused, "memorized?"

Reno gave Axel a once over. "Not hard to believe. Same attitude. Same voice. Same great looks. Yeah, I can see the resemblance."

"Glad I found me. Life being hollow ain't so awesome in the grand scheme of things."

Axel said casually.

"I wouldn't think so. How'd I get a nobody?" Reno asked.

"Heck if I know." Was his reply.

Reno was really warmin' up to this Axel guy. He talked in Reno's style.

Axel grinned. Reno grinned.

The men started chatting about fire, violence and whatnot.

Riku, who had been sitting in the tree above them for a while, groaned.

"Why god? Why, Riku cried to the heavens, "Why would you let an already vain man meet his other? By the looks of it they are both very into themselves. And now they'll probably fall for each other, which would also mean they were in love with themselves and it would just be weird."

Riku brushed the hair out of his eyes. "I didn't think you were stupid."

Suddenly, a bolt of lighting came screaming down and hit the branch next to him.

The very branch that was only an inch away from him.

Riku wasn't one to believe in Karma, but…uh.

And last Riku checked lighting didn't just appear on one of the hottest days in the year, with no clouds.

When Riku looked closer at the branch, it had something carved into it.

'_Silly boy, I'd like to see you control billions of people with only two hands.'_

Riku's mind was completely blank.

"Maybe…maybe two of the same person won't be that bad."

And then Riku remembered when Axel thought it was funny and burned his hair off.

The Queen of Ramen-

Ramenism

:::hehe...karma...heh:::

I do not own Kingdom Hearts


	15. Creative Chaos

Sarcastically Said

"Creative Chaos"

Sora decided to go pay Namine a visit.

It was a simple visit, only meant for a simple 'hello' or a 'how are you' or even maybe a 'let's go do something, I'm bored'.

But no.

The moment he stepped into Namine's little room, he almost passed out.

Namine's room was a complete pig's sty!

There was trash everywhere, you couldn't see the floor!!!!!

Sora squeaked, something just moved under Namine's bed.

Sora stood there for a good 15 minutes until Namine wondered into her bedroom.

"Hey Sora", she calmly greeted as she hopped over piles of crap.

Sora said nothing.

Namine hopped onto her bed, which was surprisingly clean, and looked at him funny.

"What's wrong?"

Sora almost past out, "What's wrong? Namine, your room! It's...it's…."

Namine rolled her eyes, "It's what?"

"Namine, your room is worse than mine."

Namine 'psshed' , "So?"

Sora gaped, "There is something living under your bed!

"Hey!" Namine said defensively, "That's my pet!"

Sora stood, shocked.

"What sort of pet could it possibly be?"

Namine cooed to the underside of her bed and said,

"He's not an 'it', his name is Maurice. He's my radioactive mush I scored from the government."

Sora choked on his spit, "What!"

Namine ignored him and stuck her hand underneath her bed, "Isn't that right my illegal little buddy."

"ILEGALL?" Sora cried indignantly.

Once again she ignored him, "And about my room, it is called 'creative chaos'.

"Who says?" Sora said, putting his hand on his hips.

"My therapist."

"Your therapist; why do you need a therapist?"

Namine threw some green mush at him and said, "I'd like you to try and stay sane while being locked up in a white room for god knows how long."

Sora caught the mush and looked at Namine blankly.

Namine, who was still petting Maurice, said, "Maurice's child, Mo. Take her, love her, feed her. Be a mommy. And If I get one word of you neglecting her, I will come over and make sure you can never have children. In this life or the next!"

Sora looked almost as green as Mo.

Namine shooed him out of the room and said to come over in a week, that's when Mo will start to feed.

Sora sputtered, "What does it eat."

Namine patted his back and said, "You don't want to know."

The End

The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

:::hehe, radioactive mush:::

I own nothing.

What did this little bowl of ramen do to earn such awesome reviewers?

I feel so touched.

tear


	16. Fortune Cookie

Sarcastically Said

"Fortune Cookie"

Roxas sat himself down at the booth at Fat Panda's Chinese Buffet.

After a long hour of stuffing himself to the brim, Roxas received his ticket and his fortune cookie.

The waitress watched intently as Roxas' eyes lit up in horror as he read his fortune cookie and stood up.

He threw a 50 on the table and bolted out the door.

The waitress, a curious being, sauntered to the table and read the fortune.

What she saw didn't surprise her. Everyday, the fortunes were getting more…ominous, for lack of a better word.

Still, she hadn't seen one as, err, personal as this.

'…_watch your back.'_

The waitress crumpled it up and shoved it into her left pocket and laughed a little.

The End

The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

:::heh:::

Now, I know this is awfully short, but I wanted it to be straight to the point and all that.

I want to know what you, my lovely reviewers, want to see in my upcoming chapters.

Don't worry, I haven't lost inspiration. (Before I began to type this story, I had hand written a list of about 50 ideas…)

So, this bowl of ramen wants your input.


	17. My God, I Hate Math

Sarcastically Said

"My God, I Hate Math"

Sora was about to throw a fit.

The most illegal, the most horrific, the most chaotic, the most spazzirific, full of crap, worse than having your face shoved into horse dung, larger than life, not in the mood, the most stupidest, idiotic, moronic, retarded, and full of life…the biggest sissy hissy fit he could muster was about to erupt.

And Sora was definitely sure that writing that on his homework was not a good idea, so he started rubbing his eraser roughly on his paper.

So...

Sora was not the brightest crayon in the crayon box.

He new this.

But come on!

Probability was not as hard as trying to figure out what four plus four was.

Probability was thinking outside the box, which Sora was supposed to be good at!

Seriously, Sora fought with a talking duck for two years.

Sora fought with a gigantic key (that is his closet at the moment) for two years.

Sora sighted and threw his math book at the wall, laughing at it, hoping to make the inanimate object feel horrible.

All that ran through Sora's head was 'rawr'.

Screw probability, running his math book over with his car was way funnier than actually using it.

Sora called Roxas and told him to bring over his totally awesome Ford Focus.

"Why?" Roxas asked.

"Well, I don't get probability and I have my math book-"

"Say no more", Roxas interrupted him, "I'll be their in a second."

The End

The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

:::MATH RAWR:::

…I don't care if this isn't funny, I had to blow off some steam, and this seemed to be the best way.

My math teacher is totally awesome, and he is my favorite teacher ever, but my god the subject sucks monkey butt!

That's right honey, I said monkey but.

D: 

…hoped you liked it:)

You guys are my favorite, and whenever I think I should end Sarcastically Said (which won't be soon) , it'll be dedicated to all that have reviewed.

PS. I own nothing…but if I did….

:D


	18. Brownies Revisited

Sarcastically Said

"Brownies Revisited"

Axel and Xigbar were surprised to find themselves tied to chairs.

The gruff man who captured them turned on the light.

Axel almost gasped; Luxord was tied to three lamp poles and it seemed that the poles were screwed to the floor at the base.

Scary.

Xigbar took a look at his surroundings.

He saw a mess of books, a really big computer with the Myspace homepage on it, and in the middle of the room stood the man,

The really scary man with the apron.

The man spoke, "I am Cid."

"I have recruited you today to help me make brownies."

Axel gulped.

"And you better help me without one complaint 'cause I'm making these for the welcome back party we are throwing for Riku."

"But why do we have to help?" Xigbar asked in his surfer dude voice.

"Because you is one of the reasons why the poor boy was stuck in the darkness for so long."

The three captured men rolled their eyes.

Cid stood straight up and crossed his arms, a dangerous look in his eyes.

"Its either this, or at the party we get to play pin the knife on the Nobody."

To Be Continued.

The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

:::hehe….Cid..:::

Eh, I hopes you like it!!

I'm wondering where this is going to go….

:D


	19. Revenge is Sweet

Sarcastically Said

"Revenge is Sweet"

Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth.

Something Kairi's mother used to tell her when she was younger.

Kairi was prone to misfortune. This she knew very, very well. So, Kairi found hope in the quote and took it to heart.

Kairi took the first part of the quote and tried to apply it to real life.

'Dance as though no one is watching you.'

This happened when Kairi was in the seventh grade.

She still didn't really know who she was.

A little insecure, yes. And don't forget the low self-esteem.

So her teacher started to play a really good song on her computer, and Kairi scrounged up all her courage, even the courage she had saved for when she would go into labor 13 years in the future, and started to dance.

Watching Kairi dance was like watching a twig wiggle.

Not a very pretty sight.

And instead of getting that carefree and nice feeling her mother was always droning about, all she got was a detention.

What a rip-off.

So, a few years later, Kairi had not lost hope, so she put the second part of the quote and applied it to real life.

'Love as though you have never been hurt before.'

So, Kairi was 15 then, and she had gotten her stubborn head to realize that Sora had no feelings.

It took her a good year to do it, but it happened.

She could now officially say she was over him and not cry about it for hours later.

Kairi was so proud of herself; she did a little jig whenever someone talked about Sora.

Anyway, it was all fine and dandy until one day her mother brought home a cute little brown furred blue eyed kitten named sky.

Kairi looked at the cat and cursed.

Whenever Kairi saw the thing, she was reminded of Sora and within weeks she was back in her old 'If you ever talk about Sora I'll sob for a week' stage.

And it sucked.

Eventually, the cat made it back to Petsmart.

But that's not the point.

The point is that she fell for Sora, who didn't fall for her, tried to love the cat, but she couldn't love the retard cat because it reminded her of Sora and it was just a vicious cycle and totally screwed up, and eventually the cat probably didn't like her either because she sent it back to that 'place'.

So another couple of years go by, and Kairi can feel a slight flicker of hope.

'Sing as though no one can hear you.'

It was short and sweet. Nice and simple.

Perfect.

So Kairi jumps out of bed ready to sing to the world.

She pranced into the middle of the street and began to belt it out.

Now, Namine lives across the street and was out taking Maurice, her radioactive mush, on a walk.

As soon as Kairi began to sing, Maurice rapidly started to decay, and decayed into nothing.

Kairi stopped.

And sometimes coincidences just aren't that awesome.

Namine didn't hold a grudge, but she did kindly inform Kairi that she should go to the government.

Normal people just can't speed up what should take millions of years in a couple seconds with their voice.

Namine also said that Kairi could make a lot of money.

Kairi said nothing and walked into her house, feeling sorry for herself.

Maurice was pretty awesome.

Its present time now, and Kairi has been hoping that the last line of the quote will be okay.

'Live as though heaven is on earth.'

As Kairi thought about it she knew it would be impossible.

She woke up every morning saying to herself 'I'm in a living hell'.

She went to bed every night thinking to herself 'I'll be lucky if I ever getting out of this hell'.

"You know what Mom," Kairi said to herself, "I'm starting to hate the fact you told me that day after day after day after day!"

Something as perky as that quote could get very old very fast.

And Mom wasn't so happy either. She just got divorced, her pet rock got stolen and she had her molars taken out.

Suddenly, Kairi was struck with an odd thought.

She picked up her phone while it was ringing she began to smile.

Her mom picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Mom…"

Revenge was sweet.

The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

::: Kairi is prone to misfortune in "Sarcastically Said"…and that's just fine with me:::

I own nothing.

This is one of my longer ones and I'm proud.

He he…Kairi….Maurice…

:D


	20. Brownie to the Death

Sarcastically Said

"Brownie to the Death"

The doctor made a face and Axel felt panic in his chest.

This was supposed to be a simple checkup, not some drama thing.

He was a nobody after all, and nobodies just don't get cancer and stuff like that.

At least, that's what he thought Superior had said (Superior had been eating a giant glazed donut after all).

"What's wrong Doctor?"

"Nothing really…" The doctor paused, "but why do you have all these scars on your back, torso, and the few on your legs?"

Axel grimaced.

"Well, long story short: This dude kidnapped a couple buddies and I and he said if we didn't help him bake cookies for the Welcome Home party, he would let them play 'Pin the Knife on the Nobody' and I opened my big mouth and said 'no' and I got my buddies and I screwed."

The doctor got out his clipboard and began to write something down.

"Oh, and there was this chick named Yuffie. I know she's a great ninja and all, but you put a blind fold on her and she's practically useless."

The doctor nodded.

"And you know where that scar that looks like a smiley face is? Well, she did that!"

Axel said this almost proudly.

The Doctor shoved the piece of paper into Axel's hand.

It looked like an address to some place written on it.

"Where's this to?"

The doctor smiled warmly and said, "It's this cute little place off of a street called 'Betwixt' and it's perfect for past drug abusers."

Axel looked at the paper.

Weren't Doctors supposed to be smart?

The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

:::heheheheheheh:::

How did you like it???

I don't own anything!!

:D


	21. And So the Beast Roars To Lie

Sarcastically Said

"And so the Beast Roars to Life"

This is dedicated to all the women and young ladies who have ever wounded themselves by waxing with a shaver.

It was a curious being this, this so called waxing/shaving combo.

Apparently, it was a waxing device in a shape of a shaver, and you could go without leg hair for weeks.

Impressive.

Yuffie shook the box lightly.

Yuffie nodded to herself, this could work for Tifa.

You see, Tifa was in a tizzy because apparently her legs were way too hairy for her to go out in public.

So she sent Yuffie to go get her one of those shavers that waxes at the same time.

How was Yuffie supposed to know what that was? She didn't even shave her hair at all!

Yuffie brought it up to the cash register and paid for it.

Four Hours later

Yuffie was on the couch, watching TV.

Tifa had been in the bathroom a long time.

A very long time.

Yuffie cautiously knocked on the bathroom.

No answer.

Suddenly she heard a very loud "vroom" noise and it seemed to talk.

"Tifa…….I'll shave it all!"

Yuffie eeped.

Then she heard Tifa's loud shrill scream.

Suddenly she burst out of the bathroom.

Yuffie stared in shock.

Tifa had only patches of hair on her arms…and….

Tifa had no hair on her head.

DUN DUN DUN

To Be Continued.

The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism.

:::whimpers:::


	22. Music Videos

Sarcastically Said

"Music Videos"

Roxas and Sora were lounging around in their room when Sora accidentally rolled onto the remote and changed the channel. Roxas looked over the edge of the bed and down to Sora on the lower bunk, "What gives?"

Sora said quickly, "Sorry, I rolled on the stupid 'mote."

After a couple of seconds the lyrics of Chamillionaire's 'Turn it up', the remix, rang through Roxas and Sora's room. Roxas looked at the screen and listened to the lyrics.

_Let's get it crunk let's make it jump, H-A-Dub on keep it pump  
Smoke a blunt pop a trunk, I'ma teach you boys how to stunt  
H-Town's my stomping ground, a legend from the underground  
You heard the buzz in your town, a new king has been crowned  
Turn it up a lil' bit, cause this jam is the shit  
This is the Remix, and H.A.W.K. was the perfect fit  
Now this is a smash hit, produced by Scott Storch   
The effort I'm gon put forth, I'ma blaze a track like a human torch  
In H-Town we do it up, Chop it up and Screw it up  
Purple weed and purple stuff, now everybody doing us  
Here's the deal grab the wheel, at stop signs we don't yield  
Swang left then swang right, don't let your damn drank spill  
The real deal ain't no bluff, am I the baddest sho' nuff  
Now turn that damn music up, and make sho' it's slowed up  
Screwed up or Slowed down, we representing H-Town  
And if you ain't from around, this how it go down…_

"…In H-town we do it up, chop it up and screw it up…?" Roxas repeated slowly. It had a nice ring to it.

"Well, whatever the heck they're sayin', I like it!" Sora looked at Roxas and grinned.

"I like it too. Its lyrics are iffy though…" Roxas had to agree, it was great…music. Did talking with music in the background actually count as a song?

Sora 'Psshed' at Roxas' lyric dilemma.

They turned their attention to the next music video. The screen said 'Yung Joc' and 'Its Goin' Down'.

Sora and Roxas stared in wonder as Yung Joc and the other people began to dance.

"What's that move there doing when the move their hands and lean their shoulders back?" Sora asked Roxas. Roxas shrugged his shoulders.

"Well then," Sora said slyly, "we should learn!"

Roxas looked at Sora, a small smile on his face. "You're on!"

Sora grinned and said, "I'll clean our room if you call Namine and tell her to bring us her new lyrics book. Deal?"

"Kay!" Roxas replied as he walked out of their room. Roxas walked to were his cell phone was and dialed in the numbers, 542-626-463. After a couple of rings, Namine picked up.

Namine looked up from her notebook and watched her blue cell phone for a second before she picked it up.

"Hello?" Namine said.

Namine heard an eep in the background and felt a little anxious.

"Hey Nam, its Roxas. Sora and I were wondering if we could borrow your lyric book for a while."

Some more eeps and a couple of muffled screams and groans could be heard. Namine gave her phone an odd look and thought, '_what is Roxas doing?'_

Namine said yes, but as an afterthought added, "Only if you tell me why I hear all these…strange…noises in the background."

"Oh, Sora is cleaning our room."

"Ah." Namine replied, "I'll see you in thirty minutes."

"What? You live two houses down, how could it possibly take you thirty-" Roxas couldn't finish his sentence. Namine had hung up on him.

Roxas sighed. Thirty minutes?

Roxas walked back to his room to see it was actually clean. Roxas looked a Sora, his face asking the question.

The only thing Sora said was, "I didn't know our closet was clean."

Roxas gave Sora a look.

"Anyway," Roxas said, "we have to wait thirty minutes before Nam gets here, so we better get started."

Sora nodded in agreement as they started dancing to Lil' Jon's 'Snap ya fingers'.

----Thirty Minutes Later----

By now, Roxas and Sora had taken their jackets off and Roxas had rolled up his pant legs. Sora had abandoned all of the extra baggage on his legs and both had stripped of their shoes. Both were sweating, and tired, but they kept on grooving to the beat. Which was super loud; you could feel the bass vibrate.

Namine let her self in, stopped for a moment, and mentally assured herself that there was no earthquake. Namine walked slowly to Soroxas's room. What she saw amused her.

Roxas and Sora stopped dancing when they heard a very feminine voice burst out in laughter. They both turned to the doorway to see Namine laughing her seemingly nonexistent butt off.

"Hey, stop it!" Sora pouted at her.

"Yeah, we are trying to dance!" Roxas pouted too.

Namine put her hands on her hips, "Please, you call that dancing? Watch this!'

Namine pushed the two boys out of the way and started dancing.

Really dirty dancing.

Sora and Roxas looked at her in shock.

She was using Shakira, Beyonce, and Christina Aguilera's dance styles all meshed up in one style.

Who knew such a petite girl could move her body like that.

After a couple of minutes Namine stopped and raised an eyebrow, "That right there was true dancing." 

"…can you help us?"

Namine smiled and said sure.

----A Month Later----

Riku was walking down the street when she saw the posters.

The first one really scared him.

It was the new hot boy band, Kadaj Yazoo and Loz.

They looked like him…

But that was not what made him feel like crying.

The poster next to that showed three people.

The middle was Namine, who was doing the pop, and Sora and Roxas were on either side of her…doing some weird dance move while holding their crotch.

Riku stared with his mouth open.

"Hey Riku-"

Leon stopped mid sentence, looked at the posters, and then walked away, mumbling something about burning his eyes out with alcohol and then setting a match to it.

The End

The Queen of Ramen

Ramenism

Okay, okay, I know this one sucks, but I was not going to post an author's note by itself.

That's just wrong.

Anyway, I've been busy lately because I'm taking vacation to Canada!

Yay me!

I'll be gone for about two weeks, so there will definitely be no updates then.

But do not fear, I will bring my handy dandy notebook and write wonderful ideas for my wonderful reviewers!

Lotsa Love!

I'll be back!


	23. Chapter 23

Identity Crisis

They sat in a room, empty.

In a formation of the cicular variety.

They all looked somewhat similar, except for three of them.

One being the middle aged man who sat within the cirlce.

Some no-name therapist who graduated from a second-rate school not worth mentioning.

Wondering how EXACTLY he managaed to land this case.

The spikey brown haired kid started first,

"Ok. So I'm Sora."

The lighter brown haired kid next to him,

"I'm Roxas."

Twin looking kid next to him,

"I'm Ventus. Call me Ven."

A dark haried version of the first kid spoke next,

"And I'm Venitas."

"So…what excatly is the problem…?"

The medicore man asked.

And then it was a flurry.

"Well I dunno, as far as I can tell, I'm the original."

"The original? Really, Sora? I was born before you!"

"Why do I look like you? Why am I Sora's nobody if I look like you, Ventus?"

"And what exactly am I? I look like Sora, but I existed befor him…"

The four continued to bicker among themselves.

The man simply looked. And rememberd the two girls also sitting quietly.

"Well you see Mr., we seem to be having an identity crisis."

He studied the black haired and blond haired girls.

"I'm Namine. And I can control Sora's memories because of the way I was born."

Then the black haired girl spoke up.

"I'm Xion. I'm connected to Roxas, therefore to Sora as well. And I don't really exist."

He stared some more.

He began to realize this was much larger than he could have anticipated.

"So let me get this straight…Sora…"

That's right bitches.

I'm back.

Not the best, but I wanted my presence to be known again, after almost 5 years of dormancy.

Forever your Queen,

Ramenism.

;)


End file.
